im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize