I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
