Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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