I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
