I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Let's get the cat blown out
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
