Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I've blown a few things in my day
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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