There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
