Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
