I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
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This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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