at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
