Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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