It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
