my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
