turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
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This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
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