i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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