We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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