dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
