and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
