Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
