After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
