so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
