Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
