just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Randomize
