if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
