And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
