I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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