the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
