I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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