I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
