There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
