Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
