Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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