it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
New York to be Host to Americaâ€™s Biggest Singles Event
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Kylie Jenner Wasnâ€™t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.