and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
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I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
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Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.