just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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