he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.