"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
