I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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