Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life