I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
