Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
