nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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