So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
