He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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