we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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