i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
