My hand turned me down
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
