As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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