this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
