I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
