You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
