I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
