i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
