He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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