Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
