Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
