and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Success! We fucked roommates!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
