He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Liz is crying about burritos again.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
