Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
