Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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