I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
