More tranny stories later!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
