i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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