Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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