she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
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everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
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Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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