I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
