uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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