I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
