Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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