I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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