Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
