i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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